Last I talked with you my lovelies, I shared how Micahel and I got through the roughest summer our relationship has ever been through to this point. The decision was made to make our relationship the priority and since I was no longer being scheduled to work I was just focusing on school.
I have suffered with irregularity during my cycle for most of my adult life. I don't take hormonal birth control because it messes with my liver and also because it messes with my mind (and the environment!) I have used basal body temperature to measure my ovulation cycle in the past and it was long 21+ days on average, if I ovulated at all. Also my uterus tilts backwards and the doctor who diagnosed this said it was pretty normal but might cause it take longer for me to get pregnant than if my uterus were normal.
All this, along with blood work done by OB/GYN 2 years prior had lead me and my "abnormal uterus" to believe that getting knocked up without some sort of medical intervention would be more difficult than potty training a cat. Michael and I had been together 7 years without any real pregnancy scares. So I processed my grief, my sister had recently become pregnant and I was looking forward to being the best Auntie in the whole, wide world! Although everyone told me it was different, I had the Kidlet and damn it, I love him enough that if he was all I was blessed with then I could accept that. And if you can remember way-back yonder to when I was posting with the
regularity of a prune farmer, then you might remember that I had made
the decision to finish my Dental Assisting classes and immediately begin
pursuing my degree in Dental Hygiene.
I noticed I was out of sorts. Shark Week hadn't started but with my recent stay at the ICU hotel, I wasn't surprised but still something seemed different. I told Michael I was about a week late and he looked up at me from the couch and said "You're pregnant." I said "I can't be, I don't think so, I think it is just stress" he said "you're pregnant".
I decided to go and get a pregnancy test, just to prove to him how wrong he was. We had tried to get pregnant the summer before and it had amounted to nothing but a lot of pregnancy tests in the trash. I had followed doctors orders, taking vitamins and hormones to try to regulate my ovulation. I was taking my basal temperature every morning and logging all actives. We tried until I was sick of trying, I was sick of hoping and nothing happening. We had made a decision to not really share that we had been trying because I didn't want the pressure or the disappointment from anyone else weighting on us.My own disappointment was enough ("Pity? Party of 1? Your table is this way...")
So I got the test, since I knew he was wrong I splurged on the digital read out. I was on the phone with my friend Carrie while I was at the store and told her what was going on and how Michael was totally wrong and how silly boys are but how happy I was that things had been so wonderful for us lately. Because things were good; we were laughing, talking, sharing our feelings and lives fully. All the little things that we had let get in our way were behind us and things were gloriously good right at that moment, even if he was wrong.
I promised to call her if, "if" the test was positive but otherwise I would just talk to her later to catch up. I wish I had some dramatic Juno, drinking gallons of Sunny Delight before taking the pregnancy test story but nope, I just peed in a cup and dipped the stick in (much more sanitary, in my humble opinion) I didn't even have to wait anything like the 5 minutes the box recommended:
PREGNANT
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Monday, October 3, 2011
17 Days in Ashes
So I promised the tale of finding out I was going to become a mother but I have to start with my 17 day stay in the hospital.
As mentioned before; I was feeling run down, Dear Hubby and I had a challenging summer. Working two jobs quickly burned me out, Dear Hubby and I barely saw each other and the only communication we were having at a certain point were arguments. We planned for our annual trip to visit his clan and we were hoping that the time away would be good for us and it was. We hit complete rock bottom on that trip. We came home and had previously agreed to watch my Parental Units house and the Heir Apparent because while my parents think he can do no wrong the lack of opposable thumbs makes it difficult for him to feed himself.
During the week staying at my parents house I was feeling worse and worse. I had noticed a small bump on the back of my head before we left but assumed it was a pimple. I have a tendency to pick at things, especially when stressed and since we spent 5 days out of town with Dear Hubby's clan with the tension between us so thick you could cut it with a knife, I was picking. Before leaving for our vacation I had a cardiac stress test scheduled at my doctors office, while I was there I mentioned to the nurse I had a painful spot on the back of my head. He suggested it was folliculitus and that I should stop messing with it but had the doctor give me a prescription for an antibiotic. It didn't get better and 3 days after being back home I went to the doctors office again, this is where I should mention that while I like my GP, normally he won't touch you with a 10 foot pole. He will run almost every test under the sun on you yearly but if he could just email you the results of what is wrong I think he would prefer it, he does not have the best bedside manner but he is a damn good doctor.
He looked at the area, which I will admit was hard to see because I have really thick hair, I explained that I could barely move my neck I was in so much pain. He thought it was still folliculitis and I needed another round of a stronger antibiotics but before leaving he ordered a blood test. I got a phone call with 45 minutes telling me to go the closest Emergency Room because he was admitting me. My white blood count was over 3 times as high as normal.
17 days in Sunrise Hospital. I had a particularly nasty MRSA infection.
I got to stay in isolation in the ICU which the only nice thing was that meant I had my own room. It also meant everyone who was exposed to me had to be completely covered in PPE (personal protective equipment) gloves, gowns, masks. Everyone; Doctors, nurses, orderlies, my family and my friends. I don't know if you have ever spent 17 days in one room (Because having me leave the room wasn't an option) I only left for cat-scans. I had to have a PICC line inserted because I kept blowing out my IV's. I was miserable and Dear Hubby and I were still scraping the bottom of the barrel as far as our relationship went.
I missed my first week of classes, I went home with IV antibiotics. Literally I have never been sicker in my whole life. The fear and the reason for the long stay was that the area of the infection was so close to the brain stem that if the infection wasn't controlled quickly the doctors were afraid it would spread and your blogger would be worm food.
I obviously couldn't work during this time but like most corporate retail establishments my job acted like I was faking it. So I could booze it up while hanging out at nightclubs and tanning at casino pool parties. I had to provide so much documentation and they still acted odd towards me. I worked 3 more shifts after being medically released and then they just never scheduled me again. I called and I tried to talk to the manager and the scheduler but everyone was always busy and no one would call me back. I took it as a sign that it was time to move on with life. My census job had ended before our vacation and Dear Hubby and I had finally got down to the nitty gritty in our relationship.
I mentioned we hit rock bottom on our trip, the things about rock bottom is you sometimes don't realize that it is rock bottom for a little while. We were very touch and go but ultimately we both honestly communicated that neither one of us had any desire to be with anyone else, that our marriage was most important and that both of us had to let go of some baggage we had been carrying around for years. My always working had caused distance, my fears that I needed to be perfect caused me to be a fake version of myself. There were just a lot of little things, we were both to blame but this is my story to tell and you would have to ask Dear Hubby if you wanted details from his perspective.
Like a phoenix our relationship rose from the ashes.
As mentioned before; I was feeling run down, Dear Hubby and I had a challenging summer. Working two jobs quickly burned me out, Dear Hubby and I barely saw each other and the only communication we were having at a certain point were arguments. We planned for our annual trip to visit his clan and we were hoping that the time away would be good for us and it was. We hit complete rock bottom on that trip. We came home and had previously agreed to watch my Parental Units house and the Heir Apparent because while my parents think he can do no wrong the lack of opposable thumbs makes it difficult for him to feed himself.
During the week staying at my parents house I was feeling worse and worse. I had noticed a small bump on the back of my head before we left but assumed it was a pimple. I have a tendency to pick at things, especially when stressed and since we spent 5 days out of town with Dear Hubby's clan with the tension between us so thick you could cut it with a knife, I was picking. Before leaving for our vacation I had a cardiac stress test scheduled at my doctors office, while I was there I mentioned to the nurse I had a painful spot on the back of my head. He suggested it was folliculitus and that I should stop messing with it but had the doctor give me a prescription for an antibiotic. It didn't get better and 3 days after being back home I went to the doctors office again, this is where I should mention that while I like my GP, normally he won't touch you with a 10 foot pole. He will run almost every test under the sun on you yearly but if he could just email you the results of what is wrong I think he would prefer it, he does not have the best bedside manner but he is a damn good doctor.
He looked at the area, which I will admit was hard to see because I have really thick hair, I explained that I could barely move my neck I was in so much pain. He thought it was still folliculitis and I needed another round of a stronger antibiotics but before leaving he ordered a blood test. I got a phone call with 45 minutes telling me to go the closest Emergency Room because he was admitting me. My white blood count was over 3 times as high as normal.
17 days in Sunrise Hospital. I had a particularly nasty MRSA infection.
I got to stay in isolation in the ICU which the only nice thing was that meant I had my own room. It also meant everyone who was exposed to me had to be completely covered in PPE (personal protective equipment) gloves, gowns, masks. Everyone; Doctors, nurses, orderlies, my family and my friends. I don't know if you have ever spent 17 days in one room (Because having me leave the room wasn't an option) I only left for cat-scans. I had to have a PICC line inserted because I kept blowing out my IV's. I was miserable and Dear Hubby and I were still scraping the bottom of the barrel as far as our relationship went.
I missed my first week of classes, I went home with IV antibiotics. Literally I have never been sicker in my whole life. The fear and the reason for the long stay was that the area of the infection was so close to the brain stem that if the infection wasn't controlled quickly the doctors were afraid it would spread and your blogger would be worm food.
I obviously couldn't work during this time but like most corporate retail establishments my job acted like I was faking it. So I could booze it up while hanging out at nightclubs and tanning at casino pool parties. I had to provide so much documentation and they still acted odd towards me. I worked 3 more shifts after being medically released and then they just never scheduled me again. I called and I tried to talk to the manager and the scheduler but everyone was always busy and no one would call me back. I took it as a sign that it was time to move on with life. My census job had ended before our vacation and Dear Hubby and I had finally got down to the nitty gritty in our relationship.
I mentioned we hit rock bottom on our trip, the things about rock bottom is you sometimes don't realize that it is rock bottom for a little while. We were very touch and go but ultimately we both honestly communicated that neither one of us had any desire to be with anyone else, that our marriage was most important and that both of us had to let go of some baggage we had been carrying around for years. My always working had caused distance, my fears that I needed to be perfect caused me to be a fake version of myself. There were just a lot of little things, we were both to blame but this is my story to tell and you would have to ask Dear Hubby if you wanted details from his perspective.
Like a phoenix our relationship rose from the ashes.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Valentines Day and Emergency Contacts
Let’s imagine for a moment.
A fun Valentines Day morning, I woke up early to go to the store for some berries to complete our “heart-healthy” Valentines breakfast. While I was out I picked up a small bunch of wildflowers for the table. When I got home I made breakfast. Whole-wheat French toast made with 2 eggs whites, 1 egg, skim milk and agave nectar.
For Valentines I had attempted to give Dear Hubby a valentine everyday for 14 days leading up to V-Day. I didn’t quite make it but here is a run down of what I did:
“I am nutz 4 U” on a can of almonds
“I ‘chews’ U” with a package of gum
“U R my sweetie-pie” on a small pie
“I have a ‘crush’ on you” attached to a bottle of Crush soda
Then I had to go to Colorado for my Sister-in-Laws baby shower and that messed up the flow but when I got home I resumed with:
“U R so HOT” with a bottle of hot sauce
“U make my heart glow” with glow sticks
I made little paper fortune cookies that said “I am ‘fortune-ate’ to have you”
“You Rock” I wanted pop-rocks for this one but they are so hard to find, instead I found a rock in a gift shop.
“I love you a latte” with a new coffee cup
When I was in Colorado I had picked up a book 1000 Places to See before You Die, I gave that to him with a handwritten note.
On V-Day, I gave the Rapscallion a card, a small box of chocolates and a little bear that said “Happy Valentines Day” for Dear Hubby I gave him a card, a box of chocolates (that said “you are too sweet too me!”) and a Hayes manual for our truck with a note that said “You drive me wild!” It was a great day, we went on a bike ride, and we had Chinese take-out for dinner and watched TV in the evening with the Rapscallion before bed.
Last night was the evening for Dear Hubby and I to celebrate together, we went to a little Italian place that we love. We had Cioppinni, which is an Italian seafood stew and crème brulee for dessert. I was a wonderful quiet evening, just what we needed.
When we got home, we were laughing and talking and when we walked in the door we discovered that Puppy Butt had eaten the remaining 4 chocolates that were in the Rapscallions box. I freaked out, I have always heard that chocolate is poisonous to dogs, I immediately “google” MY DOG ATE CHOCOLATE.
Turns out she is fine, but it dampened the evening. So for you my friends, here are some numbers you should keep handy in case of an emergency with your furry little babies:
ASPCA Animal Poison Control Center 1.888.426.4435
A fun Valentines Day morning, I woke up early to go to the store for some berries to complete our “heart-healthy” Valentines breakfast. While I was out I picked up a small bunch of wildflowers for the table. When I got home I made breakfast. Whole-wheat French toast made with 2 eggs whites, 1 egg, skim milk and agave nectar.
For Valentines I had attempted to give Dear Hubby a valentine everyday for 14 days leading up to V-Day. I didn’t quite make it but here is a run down of what I did:
“I am nutz 4 U” on a can of almonds
“I ‘chews’ U” with a package of gum
“U R my sweetie-pie” on a small pie
“I have a ‘crush’ on you” attached to a bottle of Crush soda
Then I had to go to Colorado for my Sister-in-Laws baby shower and that messed up the flow but when I got home I resumed with:
“U R so HOT” with a bottle of hot sauce
“U make my heart glow” with glow sticks
I made little paper fortune cookies that said “I am ‘fortune-ate’ to have you”
“You Rock” I wanted pop-rocks for this one but they are so hard to find, instead I found a rock in a gift shop.
“I love you a latte” with a new coffee cup
When I was in Colorado I had picked up a book 1000 Places to See before You Die, I gave that to him with a handwritten note.
On V-Day, I gave the Rapscallion a card, a small box of chocolates and a little bear that said “Happy Valentines Day” for Dear Hubby I gave him a card, a box of chocolates (that said “you are too sweet too me!”) and a Hayes manual for our truck with a note that said “You drive me wild!” It was a great day, we went on a bike ride, and we had Chinese take-out for dinner and watched TV in the evening with the Rapscallion before bed.
Last night was the evening for Dear Hubby and I to celebrate together, we went to a little Italian place that we love. We had Cioppinni, which is an Italian seafood stew and crème brulee for dessert. I was a wonderful quiet evening, just what we needed.
When we got home, we were laughing and talking and when we walked in the door we discovered that Puppy Butt had eaten the remaining 4 chocolates that were in the Rapscallions box. I freaked out, I have always heard that chocolate is poisonous to dogs, I immediately “google” MY DOG ATE CHOCOLATE.
Turns out she is fine, but it dampened the evening. So for you my friends, here are some numbers you should keep handy in case of an emergency with your furry little babies:
ASPCA Animal Poison Control Center 1.888.426.4435
National Animal Poison Control Center 1.800.548.2423
if you need to speak to a veterinarian there, this service will be billed to a credit card. An alternate number is (900) 680-0000. A veterinarian's services on this line will cost a flat fee for the first five minutes, and an additional fee per minute for each additional minute. These charges will be billed to your phone bill. (Call them for current pricing)
Kansas State University Veterinary Teaching Hospital 1.785.532.5679
FREE 24 hours poison control hot line for pet owners and veterinarians. Be patient. The person answering the phone may have to take a few minutes to consult the vet on duty.
Hope you all had a wonderful V-Day!
Hope you all had a wonderful V-Day!
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
14 Days of Valentines Day 3
Dear Hubby loved the "I 'chews' you" valentine, I got a text from him at 5 a.m. that said "I chews you too" he loved that I snuck outside after he went to sleep to hide the valentine in his truck. It has been so fun to think of these little valentines and most of them are very, very affordable. Tomorrow's valentine "U R my sweetie pie" only cost me about $.60.
Someone also asked me how my hearts looked so nice, before anyone thinks that I am talented with a pair of scissors I should admit that I have a cricut. I got it for Christmas and it has been the coolest craft accessory I have ever gotten!
I got a little pie from the store and made the valentine, I attached it to a stick and stuck it in the little pie. I am going to place it in the fridge, with his keys so he will find it, I am leaving a note on his cell phone about where his keys are.
Someone also asked me how my hearts looked so nice, before anyone thinks that I am talented with a pair of scissors I should admit that I have a cricut. I got it for Christmas and it has been the coolest craft accessory I have ever gotten!
I can't wait to show you what I have up my sleeve for the next few days, I have a challenge because I will be out of town over the weekend and I am trying to think of sneaky ways to surprise him.
14 Days of Valentines!
I got this idea from a friend of mine, she guided me to Love Actually where I got a tons of ideas!I am trying to leave Dear Hubby a little Valentine everyday until February 14th, nothing large or expensive but just little ways for him to know that I am thinking of him during the day.
I will try to take pictures and keep you guys up to date on the ideas, if you have any please leave me a comment it would be great to have a few extras!
I didn't have alot of time this morning, so excuse the glue you can see under the letters, on the "I am nuts 4 you" valentine. I left it for Dear Hubby on the counter, on top of a jar of almonds, I was at school when he came home and saw it. He said it made him laugh. I can't wait until he see what I have waiting in his truck for him tomorrow!
I didn't have alot of time this morning, so excuse the glue you can see under the letters, on the "I am nuts 4 you" valentine. I left it for Dear Hubby on the counter, on top of a jar of almonds, I was at school when he came home and saw it. He said it made him laugh. I can't wait until he see what I have waiting in his truck for him tomorrow!
(his truck is pretty dusty, maybe I could clean it as a valentine... 'nahhhh, not until he fixes the squeaky belt on my truck)
Monday, December 28, 2009
Jingle Bells, Batman Smells
I fight structure but I also need it and thrive in a loose structure, where I can change things if need be but that have specific routines I can measure as achievement. I plan obsessively, now if I could just follow up with all my long lists.
I do best when I have a general idea of a plan. Dear Hubby on the other hand is very spontaneous, he dislikes planning and I swear his favorite answers to the question “What are we doing today?” is “we’ll see” or my favorite “whatever”. I do love that he is laid back but honestly, sometimes I need and want to know what is happening and in what order.
Normally this is just a small pet peeve that balances all the other wonderful things about him. He is generous, funny, patient, kind but has smelly feet and thinks that carrying on a conversation while he is using the bathroom isn’t inappropriate. What can I say, I love him.
Back to not making plans: it becomes obvious during the holidays how flexible Dear Hubby is and how inflexible I can be at heart. He doesn’t fight that we don’t see the Rapscallion on Christmas Day, instead we get him on Christmas Eve. I know the reasons we don’t fight, so I wanted to make Christmas Eve SUPER-DUPER special!!! With Cherries, sprinkles and whipped cream on top, but guess what, that can be really difficult when the only answer you get is “whatever” “around 11, I guess” and “we will play it by ear”. How am I ever going to be the best stepmother in the world if I can’t plan on making cookies, going to the movies, playing in the snow, making his favorite dinner, going to church, singing Christmas carols, going to Grandma and Grandpa’s, taking the dog to the dog park, and basically scheduling the heck out of every minute of the 12 hours I get to spend with the kid?!?
So of course, everything that I planned fell out the window when Dear Hubby's mountain bike ride that morning took longer than expected and we didn't the Rapscallion exactly at 11. We took our time and went to see The Squeakquel, he loved it and ate a large popcorn to himself. We went to church where he sang carols and tried to copy my mother as she was on stage interpreting the songs in Sign Language. We went to Grandpa and Grandma’s where he entertained everyone with his enthusiasm for carefully unwrapping each gift he received. Despite all my planning the day was perfect and Dear Hubby sat back and enjoyed each moment.
Back to not making plans: it becomes obvious during the holidays how flexible Dear Hubby is and how inflexible I can be at heart. He doesn’t fight that we don’t see the Rapscallion on Christmas Day, instead we get him on Christmas Eve. I know the reasons we don’t fight, so I wanted to make Christmas Eve SUPER-DUPER special!!! With Cherries, sprinkles and whipped cream on top, but guess what, that can be really difficult when the only answer you get is “whatever” “around 11, I guess” and “we will play it by ear”. How am I ever going to be the best stepmother in the world if I can’t plan on making cookies, going to the movies, playing in the snow, making his favorite dinner, going to church, singing Christmas carols, going to Grandma and Grandpa’s, taking the dog to the dog park, and basically scheduling the heck out of every minute of the 12 hours I get to spend with the kid?!?
So of course, everything that I planned fell out the window when Dear Hubby's mountain bike ride that morning took longer than expected and we didn't the Rapscallion exactly at 11. We took our time and went to see The Squeakquel, he loved it and ate a large popcorn to himself. We went to church where he sang carols and tried to copy my mother as she was on stage interpreting the songs in Sign Language. We went to Grandpa and Grandma’s where he entertained everyone with his enthusiasm for carefully unwrapping each gift he received. Despite all my planning the day was perfect and Dear Hubby sat back and enjoyed each moment.
I hate when he is right.
Monday, December 7, 2009
A Toast to my Sister and Brother-in-Law
My little sister got married this weekend, I was asked to give a toast and here for your reading enjoyment is what I shared:
I met Lil Sis a while ago, I was living with my parents at the time and they let her move in. Things were pretty good in the beginning, but you know how roommate situations go.
Bro-in-Law, I want to welcome you to the family. To be honest, I always thought I would be saying this to Michael Jackson or Alex Trebek, good luck.
I want you guys to start your marriage on a fresh note, so here is the $1 Bean and I owe you for sneaking out your window that one time.
I love you guys and wish you a lifetime of happiness.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
A Girl Meets a Boy
A girl meets a boy…
A girl meets a boy; and he is smart, he makes her laugh and he is cute. They talk for hours and he professes to love her more than peanut butter. They go to trashy bars together and laugh easily the boy is articulate, motivated and fun.
A girl moves in with a boy, they both leave socks on the floor and share the chores. They still love going to trashy bars and often spend time with a growing group of friends. One night the boy asks the girl to marry him; they get married 5 days later.
A girl marries a boy, he changes job and races mountain bikes. They still laugh easily, even when life becomes stressful. They go through some trials but remember that they love each other and that is why they work it out. They assume they must be having fun because they are broke. They get a cat and then a dog, the dog has abandonment issues.
A girl meets a boy and falls in love, the boy tells her that he has a son. That girl had no idea what she got herself into. The girl loves the kid and the kid loves the girl back.
A girl meets an ex-wife and things are cordial. The girl respects the kid’s mom but inevitably drama ensues. The girl and the boy begin to fight about the ex-wife, the kid has problems sleeping and the girl feels like she is at her wits end. The girl goes looking for help.
A girl meets other girls just like her, with wonderful husbands and step kids they love, some of them have good relationships with the ex-wives some have more drama than the girl can believe. The girl has found kindred spirits.
A girl takes a risk to met one of the girls in person, she is warm and funny. They talk for hours and the girl feels renewed. The girl takes a crazy trip out of state to meet a bunch of these girls and feels like she has known them forever.
A girl is lucky; she has gotten to meet a lot of her step mom friends in real life. A lot of her regular friends think she is nutty but the boy is supportive because he has seen how the girl has grown as a stepmother and a person.
A girl met a boy, who has a son. That has turned my life upside down but I couldn't be happier. I will be out of town this weekend to meet up with some of my closest friends, my kindred spirits. And the boy will be in Moab, racing mountain bikes.
A girl meets a boy; and he is smart, he makes her laugh and he is cute. They talk for hours and he professes to love her more than peanut butter. They go to trashy bars together and laugh easily the boy is articulate, motivated and fun.
A girl moves in with a boy, they both leave socks on the floor and share the chores. They still love going to trashy bars and often spend time with a growing group of friends. One night the boy asks the girl to marry him; they get married 5 days later.
A girl marries a boy, he changes job and races mountain bikes. They still laugh easily, even when life becomes stressful. They go through some trials but remember that they love each other and that is why they work it out. They assume they must be having fun because they are broke. They get a cat and then a dog, the dog has abandonment issues.
A girl meets a boy and falls in love, the boy tells her that he has a son. That girl had no idea what she got herself into. The girl loves the kid and the kid loves the girl back.
A girl meets an ex-wife and things are cordial. The girl respects the kid’s mom but inevitably drama ensues. The girl and the boy begin to fight about the ex-wife, the kid has problems sleeping and the girl feels like she is at her wits end. The girl goes looking for help.
A girl meets other girls just like her, with wonderful husbands and step kids they love, some of them have good relationships with the ex-wives some have more drama than the girl can believe. The girl has found kindred spirits.
A girl takes a risk to met one of the girls in person, she is warm and funny. They talk for hours and the girl feels renewed. The girl takes a crazy trip out of state to meet a bunch of these girls and feels like she has known them forever.
A girl is lucky; she has gotten to meet a lot of her step mom friends in real life. A lot of her regular friends think she is nutty but the boy is supportive because he has seen how the girl has grown as a stepmother and a person.
A girl met a boy, who has a son. That has turned my life upside down but I couldn't be happier. I will be out of town this weekend to meet up with some of my closest friends, my kindred spirits. And the boy will be in Moab, racing mountain bikes.
Happy Halloween from Dear Hubby and Amburgular! 
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Holey Moley StepMama Bear!
I was reading a blog by my friend AmyK, while her situation is a little different than ours with the Rapscallion, I feel like she used some imagery that really hit home with me about why I fight so hard for the Rapscallion.
She talks about holes in our skids lives, holes they may not have if they came from an intact biofamily. Holes that have an effect on the child, slack in the line of their lives that doesn’t let them fly as high as they should, doesn’t let them be the children they should get to be and causes them to grow up too early. All this slack, all these holes affect the children and as the stepmom I feel like it is my job to pick up the slack, I feel like it is my job to protect the Rapscallion from the holes.
Like AmyK’s Kidlet, the Rapscallion has 2 houses that he goes back and forth into, he also stays a week at a time in each house and I have wondered sometimes what all the changing does to him. Like AmyK, I hope he feels at home at our house. In our house we try to remain consistent, involved, loving and fun. At Bio Mom’s house we have no control, we can’t control when he is exposed to things that we disagree with like anger, fighting, and negativity.
One of those “holes” opened up in his life again this week while he was at Bio Mom's, because of it we will change the weeks that the Rapscallion is in our custody to try and protect him from false accusations. Dear Hubby has to go to a meeting with Bio Mom about this “hole” and as much as I know Bio Mom doesn’t want me going, I am going to support my husband, my stepson, my family and even her because he may not have fallen out of my crotch but he is my kid none the less and I feel an overwhelming need to protect my family during this time.
Thursday, July 30, 2009
A Series of Unfortunate Situations
Dear Hubby and I have a theory that good things cannot happen to us for too long, we both instinctively start to worry when we haven't faced some sort of challenge for too long. We were worried on the way back from our little trip to San Diego and then the tire caught on fire. Dear Hubby was then bit by a spider, the breaks on my car went out and now to top it all off Dear Hubby has broken out in a terrible rash as a reaction to one of the medications he was given for the spider bite. On a plus side this can mean that the tides can turn and we can get out of this phase, I just feel terrible that he has been so uncomfortable during all of this.
I will update about the vacation to Colorado we just got back from, we had a great time with our families. We are lucky!
I will update about the vacation to Colorado we just got back from, we had a great time with our families. We are lucky!
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Throw Your Hands Up and Shout!
Remember a while back I was convinced that the Maintenance guy took my bottle of Shout? Dear Hubby may have thought I was exaggerating, in fact he may have told me that I must have misplaced it and that there was no way the maintenance took it. I figured that if Maintenance grabbed the bottle of Shout it was most likely by accident, I really didn't think they stole it or anything.
So fast forward to Thursday morning, I had locked the keys in the truck the night before so we had called a locksmith to get them out. There was a knock at the door so I figured it was the locksmith, guess who?
Maintenance! and guess what he had, my bottle of Shout!
Ha! I knew I wasn't crazy, he had accidentally grabbed it.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Distance and Perspective
I haven't written and alot has happened but I needed to gain distance and perspective before I could post. After leaving a friends house two weeks ago Thursday night I ended up hitting a median when my water bottle spilled. I was not aware at that moment but I had busted a hole in my oil pan. I kept driving and about a mile up the street the car started making a weird noise, I pulled over off the road and then the engine seized. Did I mention that it was 1 in the morning? Did I also mention that I was in an area of town that I don't want to be stranded in at one in the morning? I called my dear husband who came to pick me up. While he was driving us home at 2 in the morning he was pulled over for a speeding ticket.
So now my life is a battle with the insurance company, they don't want to cover the damage because they say I left the scene of the accident, remember I didn't know I had damaged the car this badly. I feel insanely terrible about this, I just don't have luck with cars. If the insurance company won't pay for the damage I am afraid that we will not be able to afford to repair the car. The car isn't paid off yet, I feel sick just typing this and thinking about the potential damage to our already shaky credit score.
My anxiety has been through the roof this last week, my husband and I have been at each others throats fighting about the most inane things because of the stress. Last week it seemed like every day was another drama or another stress added to the pile. I physically didn't know how much more I could handle.
During all of this I had my Weight Watchers meeting last Thursday, I only gained a pound. Not too bad since I was not tracking my points the way I should have been. I have moved up a notch on belt. I have been feeling a little under the weather but I think that is mostly leftover stress.
The biggest issue from all this is learning that I maybe share too much information about myself with too many people, who then feel the need to tell me how they believe I should be living my life. It is so silly but too often I still feel like a child when I talk to my parents, I guess I am still seeking their approval when I should be concentrating on my life and my family. I guess I need a little distance and perspective on that before I can post on that topic further.
So now my life is a battle with the insurance company, they don't want to cover the damage because they say I left the scene of the accident, remember I didn't know I had damaged the car this badly. I feel insanely terrible about this, I just don't have luck with cars. If the insurance company won't pay for the damage I am afraid that we will not be able to afford to repair the car. The car isn't paid off yet, I feel sick just typing this and thinking about the potential damage to our already shaky credit score.
My anxiety has been through the roof this last week, my husband and I have been at each others throats fighting about the most inane things because of the stress. Last week it seemed like every day was another drama or another stress added to the pile. I physically didn't know how much more I could handle.
During all of this I had my Weight Watchers meeting last Thursday, I only gained a pound. Not too bad since I was not tracking my points the way I should have been. I have moved up a notch on belt. I have been feeling a little under the weather but I think that is mostly leftover stress.
The biggest issue from all this is learning that I maybe share too much information about myself with too many people, who then feel the need to tell me how they believe I should be living my life. It is so silly but too often I still feel like a child when I talk to my parents, I guess I am still seeking their approval when I should be concentrating on my life and my family. I guess I need a little distance and perspective on that before I can post on that topic further.
Friday, January 30, 2009
Confused Rambings of a Night Owl
So I am up too late again, this is becoming a weird routine. I used to wish that I could be an early morning person, one of those people who went to bed early and woke up refreshed ready to seize the day in the morning. Instead I have become a person who is more comfortable awake when the sun is asleep. I know alot of this has to do with my current work situation, or more honestly my lack of work situation. I have been designing necklaces but that doesn't really require set hours.
I have suffered from sleep issues since I was a kid, I remember I had a whole year from the day I turned 10 until my 11th birthday, I was not able to sleep at night. The only exception was when I would sleep in my little sisters room, I was suffering from terrible reoccurring dreams.
Now I find myself suffering something very similar, only it is not a reoccurring nightmare, it is my inability to let go of the stress of the day. I get very panicky when I think about all the things in my life that I can't control. I stress about the direction my life has taken, I stress about poor decisions that I have made that are still affecting me and my family. I can feel my body tense up even right now as I think about these issues.
The hardest part about this time in my life right now is that I would rather hide than deal with anything. I would rather act like a child, I would rather put my head in the sand, I would rather daydream, anything other than deal with the reality of being an adult but I don't have this choice because my loving husband does not want to be married to a child. He wants a wife and a partner, I think he is being fair, I know I am not.
I get so overwhelmed by the enormity of life, the complexity of dealing with the relationships I am involved in. I know I am procrastinating and being lazy, I know I should be the early bird.
I just don't know how.
I have suffered from sleep issues since I was a kid, I remember I had a whole year from the day I turned 10 until my 11th birthday, I was not able to sleep at night. The only exception was when I would sleep in my little sisters room, I was suffering from terrible reoccurring dreams.
Now I find myself suffering something very similar, only it is not a reoccurring nightmare, it is my inability to let go of the stress of the day. I get very panicky when I think about all the things in my life that I can't control. I stress about the direction my life has taken, I stress about poor decisions that I have made that are still affecting me and my family. I can feel my body tense up even right now as I think about these issues.
The hardest part about this time in my life right now is that I would rather hide than deal with anything. I would rather act like a child, I would rather put my head in the sand, I would rather daydream, anything other than deal with the reality of being an adult but I don't have this choice because my loving husband does not want to be married to a child. He wants a wife and a partner, I think he is being fair, I know I am not.
I get so overwhelmed by the enormity of life, the complexity of dealing with the relationships I am involved in. I know I am procrastinating and being lazy, I know I should be the early bird.
I just don't know how.
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