My Pregnancy in Pictures

Last picture taken that I know I wasn't preggo in Sept. 2010

Just found out and hanging out.

About 5 months

Bought my first onsie for her!

Rubbing the bellies

Hanging out at the Grifin while I still can! Make mine a Shirley Temple!

At a Black Keys concert

About 7 months

 

 My niece AKA Smuches

Love that little one!

 

About 8 month

About 8-1/2 months

Smunches is checking out the dinner menu

Posing at Viva Las Vegas

About 9 months
I cut my hair off!

Graduating from my Dental Assisting Program

In the bathroom before leaving for the hospital

Last Picture Before Leaving for the Hospital

Last one before she is here!

The Day Peeing Changed My Life

Last I talked with you my lovelies, I shared how Micahel and I got through the roughest summer our relationship has ever been through to this point. The decision was made to make our relationship the priority and since I was no longer being scheduled to work I was just focusing on school.

I have suffered with irregularity during my cycle for most of my adult life. I don't take hormonal birth control because it messes with my liver and also because it messes with my mind (and the environment!) I have used basal body temperature to measure my ovulation cycle in the past and it was long 21+ days on average, if I ovulated at all. Also my uterus tilts backwards and the doctor who diagnosed this said it was pretty normal but might cause it take longer for me to get pregnant than if my uterus were normal.


All this, along with blood work done by OB/GYN 2 years prior had lead me and my "abnormal uterus" to believe that getting knocked up without some sort of medical intervention would be more difficult than potty training a cat. Michael and I had been together 7 years without any real pregnancy scares. So I processed my grief, my sister had recently become pregnant and I was looking forward to being the best Auntie in the whole, wide world! Although everyone told me it was different, I had the Kidlet and damn it, I love him enough that if he was all I was blessed with then I could accept that. And if you can remember way-back yonder to when I was posting with the regularity of a prune farmer, then you might remember that I had made the decision to finish my Dental Assisting classes and immediately begin pursuing my degree in Dental Hygiene.

I noticed I was out of sorts. Shark Week hadn't started but with my recent stay at the ICU hotel, I wasn't surprised but still something seemed different. I told Michael I was about a week late and he looked up at me from the couch and said "You're pregnant." I said "I can't be, I don't think so, I think it is just stress" he said "you're pregnant".

I decided to go and get a pregnancy test, just to prove to him how wrong he was. We had tried to get pregnant the summer before and it had amounted to nothing but a lot of pregnancy tests in the trash. I had followed doctors orders, taking vitamins and hormones to try to regulate my ovulation. I was taking my basal temperature every morning and logging all actives. We tried until I was sick of trying, I was sick of hoping and nothing happening. We had made a decision to not really share that we had been trying because I didn't want the pressure or the disappointment from anyone else weighting on us.My own disappointment was enough ("Pity? Party of 1? Your table is this way...")

So I got the test, since I knew he was wrong I splurged on the digital read out. I was on the phone with my friend Carrie while I was at the store and told her what was going on and how Michael was totally wrong and how silly boys are but how happy I was that things had been so wonderful for us lately. Because things were good; we were laughing, talking, sharing our feelings and lives fully. All the little things that we had let get in our way were behind us and things were gloriously good right at that moment, even if he was wrong.

I promised to call her if, "if" the test was positive but otherwise I would just talk to her later to catch up. I wish I had some dramatic Juno, drinking gallons of Sunny Delight before taking the pregnancy test story but nope, I just peed in a cup and dipped the stick in (much more sanitary, in my humble opinion) I didn't even have to wait anything like the 5 minutes the box recommended:

PREGNANT

17 Days in Ashes

So I promised the tale of finding out I was going to become a mother but I have to start with my 17 day stay in the hospital.

As mentioned before; I was feeling run down, Dear Hubby and I had a challenging summer. Working two jobs quickly burned me out, Dear Hubby and I barely saw each other and the only communication we were having at a certain point were arguments. We planned for our annual trip to visit his clan and we were hoping that the time away would be good for us and it was. We hit complete rock bottom on that trip. We came home and had previously agreed to watch my Parental Units house and the Heir Apparent because while my parents think he can do no wrong the lack of opposable thumbs makes it difficult for him to feed himself.

During the week staying at my parents house I was feeling worse and worse. I had noticed a small bump on the back of my head before we left but assumed it was a pimple. I have a tendency to pick at things, especially when stressed and since we spent 5 days out of town with Dear Hubby's clan with the tension between us so thick you could cut it with a knife, I was picking. Before leaving for our vacation I had a cardiac stress test scheduled at my doctors office, while I was there I mentioned to the nurse I had a painful spot on the back of my head. He suggested it was folliculitus and that I should stop messing with it but had the doctor give me a prescription for an antibiotic. It didn't get better and 3 days after being back home I went to the doctors office again, this is where I should mention that while I like my GP, normally he won't touch you with a 10 foot pole. He will run almost every test under the sun on you yearly but if he could just email you the results of what is wrong I think he would prefer it, he does not have the best bedside manner but he is a damn good doctor.

He looked at the area, which I will admit was hard to see because I have really thick hair, I explained that I could barely move my neck I was in so much pain. He thought it was still folliculitis and I needed another round of a stronger antibiotics but before leaving he ordered a blood test. I got a phone call with 45 minutes telling me to go the closest Emergency Room because he was admitting me. My white blood count was over 3 times as high as normal.

17 days in Sunrise Hospital. I had a particularly nasty MRSA infection.

I got to stay in isolation in the ICU which the only nice thing was that meant I had my own room. It also meant everyone who was exposed to me had to be completely covered in PPE (personal protective equipment) gloves, gowns, masks. Everyone; Doctors, nurses, orderlies, my family and my friends. I don't know if you have ever spent 17 days in one room (Because having me leave the room wasn't an option) I only left for cat-scans. I had to have a PICC line inserted because I kept blowing out my IV's. I was miserable and Dear Hubby and I were still scraping the bottom of the barrel as far as our relationship went.

I missed my first week of classes, I went home with IV antibiotics. Literally I have never been sicker in my whole life. The fear and the reason for the long stay was that the area of the infection was so close to the brain stem that if the infection wasn't controlled quickly the doctors were afraid it would spread and your blogger would be worm food.

I obviously couldn't work during this time but like most corporate retail establishments my job acted like I was faking it.  So I could booze it up while hanging out at nightclubs and tanning at casino pool parties. I had to provide so much documentation and they still acted odd towards me. I worked 3 more shifts after being medically released and then they just never scheduled me again. I called and I tried to talk to the manager and the scheduler but everyone was always busy and no one would call me back. I took it as a sign that it was time to move on with life. My census job had ended before our vacation and Dear Hubby and I had finally got down to the nitty gritty in our relationship.

I mentioned we hit rock bottom on our trip, the things about rock bottom is you sometimes don't realize that it is rock bottom for a little while. We were very touch and go but ultimately we both honestly communicated that neither one of us had any desire to be with anyone else, that our marriage was most important and that both of us had to let go of some baggage we had been carrying around for years. My always working had caused distance, my fears that I needed to be perfect caused me to be a fake version of myself. There were just a lot of little things, we were both to blame but this is my story to tell and you would have to ask Dear Hubby if you wanted details from his perspective.

Like a phoenix our relationship rose from the ashes.

Overwhelmed and Underpaid

I recently had a decision to make, one that will change the course of my life and the course of the life that Dear Hubby and I are building together. It will change my time with The Rapscallion, it will take my focus away from hobbies and friends. It means that Dear Hubby and I will continue the balancing act we preform with our finances, it means I will continue with my adventures in retail sales and work most evenings and weekends.

The original plan was for me to be done with my dental assisting certificate this spring, my friend Jules and I would be graduating at the same time and we were planning a girls get-away weekend on a short Mexican cruise to celebrate our accomplishments. Now I may still try to go but it will be to support her and celebrate her accomplishments because when I would return it will be back to another semester.

I have decided to pursue Dental Hygiene as my major. I will still finish my dental assisting certificate and sit for my national boards but while I am doing that I will be completing my pre-requisites to get into the Dental Hygiene program. I am looking at about 3-1/2 more years of school (counting pre-requisites) if all goes as planned I should be done with school before I am 35.

I felt a little backed into a corner in regards to this decision, I was told by the college that I had too many existing credits to continue to receive financial aid for my dental assisting certificate (I had taken about 3 semesters of college before I was 21) I was told that if I wanted to pursue a higher degree program I could continue to receive financial aid as long as I am taking pre-requisites towards my stated major.

So I talked; I talked to my Mom and Dad, who have graciously supported me and Dear Hubby during all of this. I talked to Dear Hubby, who offered his unconditional support and love about whatever decision I made. I talked to friends, I talked to my college counselor, to customers, to my coworkers, I might have even had an in depth conversation with Puppy Butt. I called GiGi, who is Dear Hubby's father's wife (did you follow all that?) she is Dental Hygienist and I had questions that I felt like only she could answer. Everyone said basically the same thing, I had their support.

Then I talked to Bean's boyfriend, I was driving him and Dear Hubby home from a party and he laid everything out in black and white for me. Financially the decision to continue my education will significantly change where Dear Hubby and I will be in the future, for me it has never been just about the money. I love dentistry, I love working with patients, I love everything about this field (ok some maybe not the smell of an infected abscess which had to be drained before the tooth could be pulled, that was pretty rank) it hasn't been about the money but I can't ignore that the salary difference will allow me more freedom later in life.

So there it is, that is where I have been. Overworked, overwhelmed, underpaid and having a slight mental breakdown. I am back, I hope to post more regularly. I missed you.

Get Along Little Kitty

I picked up a second job for the summer, it will no doubt provide me with endless anecdotes for you all, but unfortunately I am not really at liberty to share most of it.

I can tell you that my first grade math skills will finally be put to use, I am working for an entity that many consider "big-brother"ish and 10 years isn't going to be long enough for me to forget the last 3 days.

I can explain it easily and creatively this way:

Cat Rodeo

Ponder that for a little while and I will talk to you soon!

Birthday Ramblings

I have a birthday coming up this week, so does Dear Hubby, we will officially be saying goodbye to our 20's.

When I was a kid I always thought 30 was an adult; like an established adult, someone who has a savings account with more than $86 in it, someone who isn't driving a collection of semi-broken down cars, someone who owns a home and has a matching bedroom set.

I am nowhere near that ideal, I am not even sure that is what I want anymore but I can't shake the image. When I was in my late teens and early 20's I had a collection of young women in their 30's that I idealized. They had careers, or were finishing up college. They were buying homes and everything smelled like cinnamon. They had cars that ran and had air-conditioning. They had 1 carat diamond rings and decorated their homes from Pottery Barn websites.

I guess this is what I thought 30 should be and I am nowhere near that. I may be in school and enjoy spicy cinnamon candles but mentally I am not with those women anymore. I guess somewhere in my journey my trust in this ideal was broken. I still love some of these women deeply but I have also been hurt, rejected and snubbed by others.

I am now on another path, the graying woman with the wrinkles from laughing and smiling. She has clauses and wears only silver. Her fingernails are short, her smile is genuine and maybe she drives a beat up truck. She smiles at the end of a day surrounded by her loving friends and family, whatever form they may come in. Her house still smells like cinnamon but you will find her out on a trail or climbing a rock. Not gossiping or judging.

I guess that is what I envision 50 to be, so check back with me in 20 years to see if I am disappointed with what I find up ahead on the trail.

Sypien

I went to a vocational high school. My class was the first class to come in as Freshman, previous students did not come to the school until they were Sophomore's. My first period class during my freshman year was a computer class taught by a teacher who had taught at the school since it opened in 1965, I didn't know on that day how influential that teacher would become to me.

When we entered our Junior year we began to study our chosen vocations, we spent 3 to 4 hours a day in our vocational classes. For me this meant spending all of my time haunting the computer animation classroom, drawing, learning, playing and laughing. My teacher was Don Sypien, the same teacher I had known since my first day in the school. I had him as a teacher all four years I was at the school. He was a laid back teacher, he spoke to a goofy bunch of teenagers like we were his friends, giving us his opinions on everything from Disney's style of animation to buying stock in Microsoft. Even more than sharing what he thought was the fact that he listened to us, he took interest in who we were as individuals and encouraged us to follow our passions in life.

I wasn't the most talented student in the class, I was creative but not as knowledgeable about the technical side of computer animation. Sypien always pushed me to compete with the boys and paired me with the most technically skilled student to help me learn. After high school, when I knew I wasn't going to pursue computer animation as a career, I remember him encouraging me to go into health care. He knew I was a people person and enjoyed helping people. I laugh that it took me 10 years to see what he saw then and can only imagine he would approve of my choice to become a Dental Assistant.

Last year he became my Facebook friend, it was wonderful to have contact with him again. I loved seeing his opinions on movies, all the old photos he had from his school days and all the pictures of how he was spending his retirement. His wife Joanne, passed away on November 4th. I sent my condolences and my last contact with him was in December. He passed away on January 4th, 2 months after his beloved wife.

It is always sad to lose someone who was such a strong part of your life. My thoughts go out to his family, who I know he adored, he will be missed.

Vegas Baby

My rain drenched friend AmyK posted a little list on living in Washington since she is a native. I love these lists even if I didn't get any of the references on hers. They make me remember the fun, little quirks that living in any area bring.

I am native to Las Vegas and so is my little sister, our Dad moved out here when he was a teenager and when we were younger he would take us on "tours" showing us all the places that had affected his life and how much they had changed (Las Vegas isn't a town known for cherishing it's history and historical buildings) Check out this link for a page showing the 14 casinos we have imploded so far.

So here is my list, compiled mainly from other lists out there and a FaceBook group I belong too.
Have fun! Vegas is a crazy town to be from but I love it!

First, it's pronounced LOSS VAYGUS, NEVA-A-A-DA (not Nev-ah-da.). It doesn't matter how they say it in other places

All directions start with, "Go down 95...' cause you DON'T want to get on 15!"

Las Vegas Blvd, Charleston Blvd, and Torrey Pines have no beginning and no end.

It's impossible to go around a block and wind up on the same street that you started on. The Chamber of Commerce calls this a "scenic drive"

The 8:00 am rush hour is 4:30am to 11:30am. The 5:00pm rush hour is 11:30am to 10:15pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning and ends some time late Sunday night.

Just remember that Camino Al Norte is Martin Luther King Blvd., Boulder Highway is Fremont Street, Eastern Ave is 25th Street or Civic Center Drive, Desert Inn is Lamb Blvd., Spring Mountain/Sands/Twain are all the same street. Don't try to figure it out. Just accept it. If you question the intelligence behind this naming convention, people will simply tilt their heads to the right and stare at you.

Henderson is the only place in the world where THREE "parallel" streets intersect at one traffic light. That would be the 4-way of Green Valley Parkway/Eastern Avenue/Maryland Parkway. For laughs, ask any middle school Geometry teacher to try to explain it

Many major roads just end abruptly in somebody's garage, a Home Depot, a Casino or McCarran International Airport Runway and start again after the interruption. That was done to encourage you to "see the sights" and meet new people. For fun, just try to take Harmon Avenue from Rainbow to Nellis.

You have no idea what a scarf does but think it looks good.

You know how to get to any casino on the strip without taking Las Vegas Blvd.

You can now predict where construction signs will be misleadingly placed.

You accept the fact that stop signs and red lights mean very little to tourists.

You become nocturnal between the months of April to October.

You know the seasons: Really hot, 2 weeks of nice, not so hot, 2 weeks of nice.

When you go to different cities, you're amazed things aren't open after 9 pm.

It doesn't faze you to see slot machines in grocery stores or gas stations.

Once a year, when it rains, the Las Vegas Wash and the City of Las Vegas are one

The wind blows every day, and it is impossible to live in Las Vegas without some kind of allergy drug.

You have no idea how a lottery works.

Seeing a limo is an everyday occurrence.

You know weddings at Chapels don't have to be trashy affairs with Elvis.

What the hell is last call?

Your most prized possession as a Nevadan is your blue and white license plate.

You know the spaghetti bowl has nothing to do with food and you want nothing to do with it.

You know never to merge right when driving north on I-15; it'll just end anyway.

You think 6 tons of crushed rock makes a beautiful lawn.

The term Lake Las Vegas doesn't seem problematic in the slightest.

You've gone bowling and watched movies in casinos your whole life.


Sunscreen is sold year round, kept at the front of the checkout counter, a formula less than 30 SPF is a joke, and you wear it just to go to the mailbox.

You laugh at people taking pictures in front of the welcome sign.

You don't own an umbrella.

Sixty degrees is cold enough to wear a jacket, anything under 50 and you wear long thermals

You get bored in the Entertainment Capital of the World.

You've never had to pay for parking.

You are outraged to pay more than 9.99 for prime rib and a lobster tail.

You've forgotten what rain looks like.

You know more prostitution is illegal in Las Vegas.

You know more than one person that works as a stripper and you know they prefer to be called "dancers"

And, yes, we all know that man in a teddy and a tiara on Fremont Street. His name is Leslie and he probably makes more money than you do!

I'll Show You Mine...

If you show me yours!

Again I am accepting a challenge from AmyK. Basically show me the stuffed animal or blankie you have had since you were itty bitty. Tell me, and the interweb, your story.

In return, I will show you mine. In fact I will show you mine first!

I would like to introduce you to Teddy and Red, not the most creative names, I know but I have given them names and changed them when the whim suited me so many times over the years. Somewhere I also have a hard plastic lizard named Little Red Riding Hood, my sister had Goldilocks, what can I say we were weird kids.

Both Teddy and Red currently reside in my hope chest, I would bring them out but I don't want anyone playing with them (evil stepmom moment) because if something happened to them at the hands of the Rapscallion, or Puppy Butt, I would be hard pressed to let that go easily. Maybe not my most graceful confession but it is the truth.

It was fun to pull out Teddy for this picture, I used to sleep on him so he is a little smunched up but still soft and just waiting for me if I ever need him.

This Really Important Blog about.... Oh Look a Bat!

I went to the doctors a few months ago; he was doing a routine stress test to make sure that everything was pumping in my chest like it should be. He decided to send me to an endocrinologist to have a spot on my thyroid examined closer. For most people this isn’t a big deal but in my family thyroids have been our Achilles heel. I asked the doctor if the spot on my thyroid could be causing any other problems, like attention problems. He didn’t think the two were related and said after I saw the endocrinologist we would talk about them.

I swear my Mother’s family crest has a bottle of vodka and a tumor on it (no one can remember what is on my Dad’s family crest, sorry, bad Alzheimer’s joke) my little sister was diagnosed with thyroid cancer at 25 and my Mom had hers removed when an internal goiter became so large that it inhibited her breathing.

I went to the endocrinologist, who also happens to be my little sister’s doctor. He said I look just like her and then ordered a biopsy, not cool. I don’t know the last time you had a needle repeatedly poked into your neck but it isn’t something I do often. No matter how much I tried to relax and think about other things I keep returning to one truth. There was a needle being poked repeatedly into my throat! So the results we negative, I am fine, with my family history they will keep an eye on any changes that occur in the area just to be on the safe side.

So I went back to the doctor’s office to talk about my attention issues. I was a dreamy little kid; I daydreamed and basically lived in my own world until I was in junior high. I was smart but often fell behind in school because the material didn’t hold my attention. Even in high school and my first attempt at college, I would routinely start with the greatest intentions only to be frustrated time and time again when I lost track of things during the semester. I am enrolled in college again and didn’t want to have to go through all of those old feelings again.

I have suspected for a while now that I suffered from Attention Deficient/Hyperactivity Disorder, the doctor spoke with me about my personal history and agreed that I exhibit ADHD-I (I stands for inattentive) symptoms. He gave me a prescription that my insurance doesn’t want to cover. So he started me on a different drug and while it helps I can tell it is not the right drug for me.

Everyone’s body chemistry is different so it is normal to have to try more than one medication before you find one that works well for you. I just don’t know how to call my doctor to tell him that the medication he just gave me a higher dose of is still not helping me focus.

Oh and BATS!!!

Making Friends and Influencing People

Yesterday was my first day back in school, I am taking my English requirement this semester, and it is a 5 credit class which means a lot of work for yours truly. I was nervous going into class; I haven’t been in school in almost 10 years. I was afraid of being one of the oldest and maybe the only one in the class who honestly doesn’t know the correct usage for a semicolon. I can’t remember the parts of speech beyond what I help the Rapscallion with and he is only in second grade. I write like I talk and it is only through the magic of Microsoft Word that my grammar is anything close to being correct.

I arrived at the campus early so I could purchase my textbook and find the classroom, I stopped at the help desk to get a hard copy of my schedule and I found out that the college still has me listed by my last name from when I was married to Whatshisface, so tomorrow I have to bring a copy of my divorce decree from Whatshisface and my marriage license to Dear Hubby (ladies this is why you should NOT change your name when you get married) to have my name corrected in the system. I found my classroom pretty easily; I glanced through the textbook, looks like it is all written in English and finally went into the room about 10 minutes before the class was to start.

The dilemma of where to sit, all the seats in the back were full, plus lets all admit I don’t mind being the center of attention but sitting in the front row would single me out as a nerd. An old, returning to college after 10 years, semiliterate, know-it-all nerd and we all know there is nothing worst than fulfilling your worst ideas about yourself. Luckily I found an open desk near the middle of the room.

The Professor, who has told us we can call him Steve so I will now refer to him as Professor Steve, was running late. When he came into the room I assumed he was another student, he was wearing cargo shorts and a t-shirt with a Spam logo on it. He looked older than me but not by much, now here is where I reveal how shallow I am, I always check out peoples shoes. You can tell so much by them, his shoes were kind of ratty old Vans but the biggest thing I noticed was that he was wearing 2 different shoes. 2 different colored shoes, I should explain; 1 black with a white stripe and a white sole, the other grey with a white stripe and a rubber sole.

He started class telling us a little bit about what we would be studying this semester; he then opened the floor for questions. He said we could ask him any question we wanted, so you know what I asked right.

Turns out he didn’t know he was wearing 2 different shoes, I guess I better proofread every essay I turn in this semester.

What Goes Around

I have tried to live my life simply, kindly and with much love. That has not always been easy, I am a stepmother to a 7 year old boy, we live 5 houses from bio-mom. While I have worked hard to get along with her and her family, it has not been easy. I worked for a soulless-retailer where I was taken advantage of and a coworker routinely lied about me.

One principle I have tried to honor is Karma, I put positive energy and love into my world in hopes that it will return to me. Tonight I got to see a glimmer of the Karma in my world. I got a phone call from an old coworker, this was after emails from old coworkers bursting to tell me that the negative coworker I had struggled so hard with was walked out of the store and fired. She apparently had been making racist comments and was overheard and reported by both coworkers and customers.

I never wished negativity on her but it was inevitable because of how she chooses to live her life, nothing is good enough, she can not let go of past hurt and forgive. She is spiteful, petty, shallow and hateful. I hope that she can learn to forgive, it is amazing how much forgiveness will change your life, if you don't Karma will catch up to you.

I don't believe that bad things only happen because of past negativity in my life, sometimes I need to be challenged and sometimes I need to be shown that I am not strong enough to get through things alone, but that is another blog about beliefs.

Much love!

From Wikipedia:

"Everything that we have ever thought, spoken, done or caused is Karma; as is also that which we think, speak or do this very moment. Actions performed consciously are weighted more heavily than those done unconsciously. But just as poison affects us if taken unknowingly, suffering caused unintentionally will also give appropriate karmic effect. We are in position to do something about our destiny by doing the right thing at the right time. Through positive actions, pure thoughts, prayer, mantra and meditation, we can resolve the influence of the karma in present life and turn the destiny for the better. A spiritual master knowing the sequence in which our Karma will bear fruit, can help us. As humans, we have the opportunity to speed up our spiritual progress with practice of good Karma. We produce negative karma because we lack knowledge and clarity"

"...Sinner"

I think I have firmly established that I am not perfect, in fact I am far from it but I received the above message from someone that stung a little. I know I should not care what other people think but sometimes I do, there was a time when I lived my life with more consideration of what people thought and since this message came from someone that knew me well during that time I guess I am a little more sensitive about it. The humor is this person doesn't know the beginning of my transgressions, they were making a statement based solely on my body art and their prejudice against it.

My path to this place in my life has not been easy, I have struggled with and against myself mostly. I have some things I am not proud of but at the same time I am not ashamed of anything I have had to go through, it has made me who I am and most days I like the woman I am. I wish I hadn't been so stubborn, maybe I would have learned the lessons that life was trying to teach me sooner.

I don't think I am done with this topic, just done for now. I need to contemplate more on why this struck me the wrong way before I can articulate it fully.