Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Little Birds

may my heart always be open to little
e. e. cummings

may my heart always be open to little
birds who are the secrets of living
whatever they sing is better than to know
and if men should not hear them men are old

may my mind stroll about hungry
and fearless and thirsty and supple
and even if it’s sunday may i be wrong
for whenever men are right they are not young

and may myself do nothing usefully
and love yourself so more than truly
there’s never been quite such a fool who could fail
pulling all the sky over him with one smile

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Vegas Baby

My rain drenched friend AmyK posted a little list on living in Washington since she is a native. I love these lists even if I didn't get any of the references on hers. They make me remember the fun, little quirks that living in any area bring.

I am native to Las Vegas and so is my little sister, our Dad moved out here when he was a teenager and when we were younger he would take us on "tours" showing us all the places that had affected his life and how much they had changed (Las Vegas isn't a town known for cherishing it's history and historical buildings) Check out this link for a page showing the 14 casinos we have imploded so far.

So here is my list, compiled mainly from other lists out there and a FaceBook group I belong too.
Have fun! Vegas is a crazy town to be from but I love it!

First, it's pronounced LOSS VAYGUS, NEVA-A-A-DA (not Nev-ah-da.). It doesn't matter how they say it in other places

All directions start with, "Go down 95...' cause you DON'T want to get on 15!"

Las Vegas Blvd, Charleston Blvd, and Torrey Pines have no beginning and no end.

It's impossible to go around a block and wind up on the same street that you started on. The Chamber of Commerce calls this a "scenic drive"

The 8:00 am rush hour is 4:30am to 11:30am. The 5:00pm rush hour is 11:30am to 10:15pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning and ends some time late Sunday night.

Just remember that Camino Al Norte is Martin Luther King Blvd., Boulder Highway is Fremont Street, Eastern Ave is 25th Street or Civic Center Drive, Desert Inn is Lamb Blvd., Spring Mountain/Sands/Twain are all the same street. Don't try to figure it out. Just accept it. If you question the intelligence behind this naming convention, people will simply tilt their heads to the right and stare at you.

Henderson is the only place in the world where THREE "parallel" streets intersect at one traffic light. That would be the 4-way of Green Valley Parkway/Eastern Avenue/Maryland Parkway. For laughs, ask any middle school Geometry teacher to try to explain it

Many major roads just end abruptly in somebody's garage, a Home Depot, a Casino or McCarran International Airport Runway and start again after the interruption. That was done to encourage you to "see the sights" and meet new people. For fun, just try to take Harmon Avenue from Rainbow to Nellis.

You have no idea what a scarf does but think it looks good.

You know how to get to any casino on the strip without taking Las Vegas Blvd.

You can now predict where construction signs will be misleadingly placed.

You accept the fact that stop signs and red lights mean very little to tourists.

You become nocturnal between the months of April to October.

You know the seasons: Really hot, 2 weeks of nice, not so hot, 2 weeks of nice.

When you go to different cities, you're amazed things aren't open after 9 pm.

It doesn't faze you to see slot machines in grocery stores or gas stations.

Once a year, when it rains, the Las Vegas Wash and the City of Las Vegas are one

The wind blows every day, and it is impossible to live in Las Vegas without some kind of allergy drug.

You have no idea how a lottery works.
Seeing a limo is an everyday occurrence.
You know weddings at Chapels don't have to be trashy affairs with Elvis.

What the hell is last call?

Your most prized possession as a Nevadan is your blue and white license plate.

You know the spaghetti bowl has nothing to do with food and you want nothing to do with it.

You know never to merge right when driving north on I-15; it'll just end anyway.

You think 6 tons of crushed rock makes a beautiful lawn.

The term Lake Las Vegas doesn't seem problematic in the slightest.

You've gone bowling and watched movies in casinos your whole life.

Sunscreen is sold year round, kept at the front of the checkout counter, a formula less than 30 SPF is a joke, and you wear it just to go to the mailbox.

You laugh at people taking pictures in front of the welcome sign.

You don't own an umbrella.

Sixty degrees is cold enough to wear a jacket, anything under 50 and you wear long thermals

You get bored in the Entertainment Capital of the World.

You've never had to pay for parking.

You are outraged to pay more than 9.99 for prime rib and a lobster tail.

You've forgotten what rain looks like.

You know more prostitution is illegal in Las Vegas.

You know more than one person that works as a stripper and you know they prefer to be called "dancers"

And, yes, we all know that man in a teddy and a tiara on Fremont Street. His name is Leslie and he probably makes more money than you do!

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

The Things My Cat has Seen

So I have been told by my Dad that I need to share the story of Cat Butt spending the night outside earlier this week.

The weather here in Vegas has been weird, it is getting colder but not nearly as cold as normal for November. We have been keeping the windows open, I like the cooler weather at night and I love having my windows open. I dream of living someplace where I can keep my windows open most of the year, it just makes the house feel less stuffy.

During the day I had been opening up the window in the kitchen, it doesn’t have a screen so I had been making sure it was closed at night. Then last weekend I had a sinus infection and Dear Hubby was mainly running the house for 2 days, while I remained in bed trying to figure out if a “sinusectomy” was even a real medical procedure I could consider. I mean why keep your sinuses, if all they do is: breed new strains of bacteria, ratchet up mucus production and feel like they are about to burst forth from my forehead and engage in a rampage, I assume would be similar to Godzilla verses Mothra wherein they destroy the Las Vegas Strip with all the mutant bacteria that has grown inside them.

So not blaming anyone but the window in the kitchen didn’t get closed one night. Puppy Butt thinks it is her duty to chase Cat Butt out of the kitchen and back over the baby gate that divides the house into 2 sections. One section where Puppy Butt is allowed and one where Cat Butt can go to escape. I basically have a turf war between the cat and dog in my house (god forbid you are wearing the wrong colors in the laundry room) we had to put the baby gate up because Puppy Butt feels that the cats litter box is a great place to sneak a little treat and then lick your face, also she feels like The Rapscallions room is not technically part of the house so she must be allowed to poop in there.

I guess Puppy Butt chased Cat Butt and instead of retreating to the safety of the extra bedroom where she can lay in a laundry basket containing blankets, Cat Butt decided to jump out the open kitchen window. I was in a NyQuil induced slumber and didn’t hear anything and Dear Hubby, well he could sleep through a marching band walking through the bedroom.

In the morning, Dear Hubby got up for work and heard a pissed off cat yowling in the backyard. As he was brushing his teeth, the thought occurred to him that the pissed off cat sounded an awfully lot like Cat Butt so he went to the back door and checked. Sure enough she was sitting on the back steps and glaring at him. She ran into the house meowing and expressing her displeasure with being left outside. Apparently a night out makes a cat hungry, so she ran straight for her food bowl and began eating in haste, while continuing to glare at Dear Hubby and meow between mouthfuls. She then decided it was time to wake me up to discuss how upset she was, she jumped onto my head and meowed in my face repeatedly.

Cat Butt was filthy, her paws were covered in black, I am not sure if she ran the streets for a little while after she realized she couldn’t get back into the house. I can only imagine she ran into the neighborhood tomcat Haggard Cat.

Haggard Cat sleeps under cars and I suspect him of being the one who broke into my jeep and ate a 6 inch Subway sandwich that I accidentally left in the truck one night. Apparently street cats enjoy a Spicy Italian BMT when they can get one. Cat Butt and Haggard Cat have seen each other through the window, he gets up from under a car in the morning looking like he had a rough night of drinking and Cat Butt sits on the back on the couch looking out the window at him and acting like she has it hard because “I had to sleep with the humans, I don’t understand why they sleep in my bed” I can only imagine that if Cat Butt ran into Haggard Cat he was completely sympathetic “where are your humans now?”

So after I calmed her down and she went to sleep on my pillow, I tried to discuss the tensions in the house with Puppy Butt. I figure if Ronald Regan could get Gorbachev to tear down the Berlin Wall, I could broker peace between the cat and the dog. It has been a tense peace, Puppy Butt hasn’t chased Cat Butt over the baby gate but then Cat Butt has been strangely cocky since spending the night outside, like we should respect her because she is almost a street cat now and we can’t even imagine the things she has seen.