Birthday Ramblings

I have a birthday coming up this week, so does Dear Hubby, we will officially be saying goodbye to our 20's.

When I was a kid I always thought 30 was an adult; like an established adult, someone who has a savings account with more than $86 in it, someone who isn't driving a collection of semi-broken down cars, someone who owns a home and has a matching bedroom set.

I am nowhere near that ideal, I am not even sure that is what I want anymore but I can't shake the image. When I was in my late teens and early 20's I had a collection of young women in their 30's that I idealized. They had careers, or were finishing up college. They were buying homes and everything smelled like cinnamon. They had cars that ran and had air-conditioning. They had 1 carat diamond rings and decorated their homes from Pottery Barn websites.

I guess this is what I thought 30 should be and I am nowhere near that. I may be in school and enjoy spicy cinnamon candles but mentally I am not with those women anymore. I guess somewhere in my journey my trust in this ideal was broken. I still love some of these women deeply but I have also been hurt, rejected and snubbed by others.

I am now on another path, the graying woman with the wrinkles from laughing and smiling. She has clauses and wears only silver. Her fingernails are short, her smile is genuine and maybe she drives a beat up truck. She smiles at the end of a day surrounded by her loving friends and family, whatever form they may come in. Her house still smells like cinnamon but you will find her out on a trail or climbing a rock. Not gossiping or judging.

I guess that is what I envision 50 to be, so check back with me in 20 years to see if I am disappointed with what I find up ahead on the trail.