Friday, May 29, 2009

We Have Ways of Making You Talk

I was given a gift certificate for a pedicure from Dear Hubby and the Rapscallion for Stepmother's Day. Yesterday I redeemed it, I am now the proud new owner of sparkly blue toenails and soft heels. The woman who gave me the pedicure was, um, nice? She was very odd, she told me all about her abusive traumatic childhood, she spent a good portion of the pedicure talking with a coworker about how slow the salon was and trying to decide if they should cut out early to hang out at the pool, drinking and maybe getting high. I try hard not judge but this woman was in her mid 50's, she is my mother's age. Nothing she said or did really bothered me until she asked if I had kids.
This is always a hard question to answer for me. I usually answer "yes, my stepson, we share 50/50 custody" now maybe that isn't the best but it is my answer. I feel a little weird just saying yes, because I am a terrible liar and somehow I think they might know. Also I am proud of being a Stepmother, I chose to be a part of this life. So I gave my answer and she of course asked another odd question, she asked for Bio-Mom's name. While I may be willing to talk about my life for all the world to read, I try to respect those around me a little. Luckily I was saved from this question by her coworker who felt the need to chime in how bored she was and her desire to go home.
Her questioning wasn't over and she hit me with my next favorite Stepmom question "Are you going to have kids of your own?" I know this question isn't restricted only to stepmotherhood, somehow you reach a magical age where people find it perfectly ok to talk about the activities going on in your uterus, awesome.
As I previously stated I am horrible liar and completely non-confrontational, so I answered. Dear Hubby and I are in fact TTC, we are the first in our group of friends to actually TRY to have a child, in our group of friends there are 3 stepdaughters, 1 stepson and 1 baby who was a surprise to her now married parents. TTC hasn't been as easy as they make it look on television and while Dear Hubby and I want to try to have another child we also agree that if it is not meant to be we have a wonderful life. I am willing to have some medical help with TTC but I personally have drawn the line at anything I deem too invasive. I respect any woman's choice to seek medical help with her desire to have a baby, I am not against medical procedures like IVF but just not for me.
So when my pedicurist insisted, INSISTED (!) that I have a child no matter what (!) I was confused. This isn't her life to live and why was she getting so emotionally involved? We had never met before yesterday, it is my body and what is so wrong with not wanting to have kids? What if I had answered that I was Childfree by Choice? Why can't my involvement with the Rapscallion be enough, what about all my dear friends who can't have kids? Why is it that people think they get to have an opinion about my uterus and what I do with it?
But those are hard answered when someone has something sharp near your feet.

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