Envy is a Waste of Time

Envy is the art of counting the other fellow's blessings instead of your own. ~Harold Coffin

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Envy
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jealousy

Envy and Jealousy, we all experience these emotions but not all of us react negatively when they rear their heads in our lives.

When envy and jealously become an issue in custody situations they often have roots in control issues. Bio Mom has some control issues that I have observed in my dealings with her over the last 6 years.

She is currently frustrated by Dear Hubby’s unwillingness to compromise any further with her on the issue of the Rapscallion playing outside. She would like the Rapscallion to be under “constant parental supervision” Dear Hubby feels that the Rapscallion will be 8 in November and that we need to start giving him more responsibility. We live in a gated community with 24 hour security so as difficult as it is to let this little kid who I know is scared of the dark and still sleeps with a toy monkey, this little kid who can’t possibly be growing up that quickly, this little kid who still needs help cutting his meat, as difficult as it is to let him test his wings I know we need to. I also know that in giving him more freedom he will mess up, he will make mistakes and it is our job as parents to teach him when those mistakes happen, not to shelter him from them forever.

Bio Mom disagrees vehemently and since we live in the same community she has been aware that the Rapscallion has been given more freedom at our house. Last week he got into a spot of trouble for throwing rocks, when Dear Hubby told Bio Mom about the situation she told us this is how all juvenile delinquents start and if we allow him to continue to play outside with the neighborhood kids it is only a matter of time until “he starts smoking weed” Dear Hubby refused to compromise any further with her, the Rapscallion is only allowed to play with friends we know and has to check in every 15 minutes, Bio Mom moved on to attacking me.

In the same statement she said I was lazy and slept until noon everyday while the Rapscallion ran around doing “whatever he wants” and that I am too involved and that I should not be taking the Rapscallion to the library, volunteering in his classroom, helping him with his reading or taking him to get frozen yogurt.

While I find her statements laughable now, I was very defensive when Dear Hubby told me everything that was said. I wish I could sleep until noon, the Rapscallion wakes up at the butt crack of dawn, and I am not a morning person so I have taught him to pour himself a bowl of cereal. Apparently not waking up the instant he is awake to pour him a bowl of cereal is sleeping until noon. Also if I was sleeping until noon how is it I am doing all of these things with him?

There was quite a bit more to this argument, she said I was trying to intimidate her when I went to the schools Open House, apparently showing up on time with clean clothes on is now a threat. She wants me to no longer be involved in the Rapscallions life and schooling. When Dear Hubby pointed out that she could be involved also her response was that she “works 40 hours a week” (not counting that she bowls until noon on Mondays, I guess)

In her arguments it was easy to see that her envy is based in that I am a stay at home stepmother, what she isn’t seeing is how I didn’t ask to do this; I am just making the best of what I was given. I was laid off from a big box retailer and the job market has been difficult to find a job. I have often found myself envious of Bio Mom’s ability to get a job but she has training I don’t. Instead of becoming bitter about it I enrolled in school to get the training I will need to be able to get a better job.

Envy and jealousy don’t have to make you ugly, but then again it is up to you what you do with them.