I have accomplished a few things today that have been hanging over my head like a knife. The most important one frees me significantly and I feel almost giddy about it right now.
The less significant one is that today was my first full day of WW, this is my first time for joining any type of weight loss group outside of a gym. I am skeptical, not of the plan but of myself. I have started so many unfinished projects in my life that thinking about it makes me feel very ashamed. My house is a testament to unfinished art projects and only half finished baskets of laundry (cleaned not put away) I am a procrastinator of royal proportions.
My procrastinating has cause quite a bit of headaches for me in the last few years, even with all of that I am unsure of why I do it and how to stop. My fear with WW is that this will be another unfinished project and I will never live up to the person I know I can be.
Sometimes I wonder if it isn't a self fulfilling cycle of fear. I am afraid to fail so I sabotage things so that I can't "fail" while not realizing that my actions are what is causing me to fail. Of course I would love a wonder pill that could magically make me a better person but that in unrealistic and right now I need to deal in reality.
I know I did not get here overnight and I know it is going to take me a while to dust myself off and get back to where I need and want to be. I guess it is one bite at a time while I eat this elephant.
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